I have a friend i have had for a good 30? years,
since i was 19 or something.
Anyways, the past 10 years she has suffered from severe back pain.
Shes had several operations and none have worked.
Her phone calls have always been extremely depressing
telling me she has been bawling all day, feeling like doing herself in.
Her gf suffered a breakdown last year because of her insane job,
her friends are not doing well, she is in excruciating pain....
Last year she told me that the day before she had sat in her car with
pills crying and wanting to join her deceased mother, called the
Hotline and was put on hold, found that to be funny and went home.
Well, two days ago she called and I didnt answer.
Her message did NOT sound like her and was about how the day before
she 'had seen the light' she was so depressed.... then
in a realllly stoned dreamy voice she said something like
IIiiii lovvve yoooouuu.... yoourrrr my besst fwennnd....
gooood byyyye....... "
Then, when i called her back she didnt answer!
After a while i decided to look around to find, and i did find
her gf's phone number - i have never called her,
I had NO idea what to say, but i was
worried- right? I mean who wouldnt be?!
I left a message saying that gf had left a message that
sounded very strange and that i didnt know what to do
and , i dunno, maybe send an ambulance to the house?
( i had no idea what to say)
hours later I get a text from gf stating that I had
"You got me in a shitload of trouble!!!!! (gf) Left work early!!!! "
Ok, now for my thoughts on this -
Why did gf leave work early?
I BET it is because SHE couldnt get her to answer the phone EITHER.
needless to say, I am done with this relationship
I have obviously been enabling her when she should have been
talking to a therapist (yes i told her that many times)
This event on top of bumping into another friend who was barely
recognizable he had lost so much weight and had been in hospital..
My anam cara has been in hospital too :-(
3 comments:
It's hard not to care though. I do understand the "enabling". I had a similar experience and eventually (and with so much useless guilt), had to end the friendship. This person was suicidal, but (and I hate to put it this way) "all talk and no action" type of suicidal. She was so needy and wanted everyone's pity, sympathy and attention. She lost so many friends that way but no matter how positive I tried to be, or how attentive and caring I was with her when she needed to rant, nothing ever changed. There was always an excuse. It was starting to affect me really badly, I couldn't process her negative energy anymore so I wrote her a nice letter just saying I wished her well, I hoped that she would take serious measures to help herself but that I needed to move on. Like I said, it's tough...but I think you're doing the right thing for yourself. We need to put ourselves first sometimes! :)
:-(
Disassociating with people who drag you down is a good thing in the long run, although I acknowledge it can be painful in the short run.
Loach is right...to a T.
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