Many a day I open this page and sit before a blinking cursor line...
Oh the thoughts that run through my head.


I am torn caring for people I hated as a child.
Mother's touch was violent,
mother's touch turned sexual, mother's touch turned my stomach
 made my skin crawl. MDSA
My helplessness turned to anger and I rebelled.
Mother's touch turned into slapping and yelling or cloy pets.
Mother was always full of anger.
Father was always full of anger.
Brother was always full of anger.
I was always afraid and in great despair

....... I had a change years later......
I spoke to mother and forgave her.
I spoke to father and forgave him.
I spoke to brother and forgave him.
That was at least 30 years ago.
I was released.
But the memories are still there in my head, twiddling.

Next thought-----
When asked 'who are you?"
god answered " I AM "
THE definition of AM.
Now, what do you think when you say "I am" - well,
it means I exist, the "me within"as well as the me outside.
If the creator is the source code of "I AM"
then this energy is within all, and I mean ALL, things.
Omnipresent.
With this in mind, think about what you are saying when
you think to yourself-
I am an idiot, I am fat, I am not worthy of happiness, I am slow, I am ugly.
If the I AM is within us - we are also an  " I AM ",
 then it sounds a bit sacrilegious..
How about if we think those things about others?
Another thing I struggle with every day.