Tripped

I am trying to keep the negative self talk away.
But in four months I will have been away a year and I am still torturing myself
with him.
I don't understand why, I mean, I am not in love with him at all. I will
never return to him. I do not feel passion or turned on by him.
I guess it is just familiarity.
I do not have many people in my life.
I just cannot handle it....
But when I lose one it is difficult or impossible to allow
another in. Most of the handful of close people in my life have been there since
childhood or late teens-
And this poses a problem when it comes to dating.
Without a net of girlfriends or other connections, the possibility of
being introduced to someone is null.

Why am I thinking like this????!!!!!!!
I don't want to date!!!
I am supposed to be working on myself...

just need some help.....