Donating and Purchasing

 When I would visit my mother weekly I would immediately

 go to the thrift store afterwards to 

write over the painful memory with something else.

It got to the point I was having panic attacks in 

my favorite antique store!

Then COVID came, slowed that habit and stopped the visitations.

I began bargaining online and then actually risking my life running to the

thrift store like an addict. 

Meanwhile donating previous purchases ! 

So lately I have been trying to come up with "healthy"

projects like scraping old caulking from the kitchen and preparing to 

paint it. It has probably been a month stretching that project out where it

should only have taken a day. 

I watch hoarding videos to make me ill and think of things to get rid

of.  Placing the items by the door to go into my car- I really

have no feeling for any of the things I have bought, unlike the 

people on the hoarder shows where they form attachments- I used

to be like that, thinking the objects had "feelings" that could 

be hurt by my "rejection". But in truth those are just my fears

of rejection being placed onto inanimate objects.

I used to fill my loneliness with many pets and plants also but no more.

So, now what.

Well, I am donating my 5.1 computer speakers and purchasing a set

of better quality 2.1 

This got rid of a big mess of cords and speakers all over the floor

under my desk.  Nice clear floor is encouraging.

I just do Not know what to do with all the piles of little bits-n-bobs !!

I literally have boxes and containers of tiny bits-n-bobs UGH.