Poof

you know when you get hit on the head, or a loud noise
or explosion goes off near you and your head just goes
blank with the shock ?
Well, that has sort of happened to me.
Not because of my fathers death
(i dont think)
I think i was handling that pretty well because it was a
huge burden of worry and responsibility
 that had been lifted off my mind..
heh, for a day.

But, this thing with her....
something snapped.
her illegal dealings with his bank account has sent me
into this strange mental place...
Forging multiple checks to herself and taking tens of thousands of dollars..
I  feel no connection to my family any more,
 the empathy is gone,
the sibling connection with all of them is gone.

My spiritual beliefs all vanished in a second- poof ! .....
Something broke in me.

I have absorbed the pains of a lifetime of forgiving her,
this was the breaking point.
knocked me right out of the ballpark, cant even see me...

When i think of her, I keep stifling hateful words,
which is like
drinking poison trying to kill the other person=
the only one i hurt is me while she goes on with her life.
I have not responded to her after she sent a bunch of hateful emails..

I havent been able to wrap my head around what happened to me yet because
I have never felt this way before in my entire life.