Clipped Wings and Family

I have chased after my family members for their love and approval

my whole life.

I have forgiven one member countless times for being 

"inconsiderate"  to put it nicely.

 I always forgave her for forgetting important meetings, dates,

showing up hours late, not helping with my parents...

But this time I cannot and will not .

Each time I have been polite, this last time I have been polite.

She does not deserve it. 

I have to live with the guilt of my father calling repeatedly wanting

the checkbook and me replying she had it. I would ask her politely

for it and accept her brush off. 

I cannot reverse the past, but I can do the next best thing.

Each time I forgave her it felt like I was taking scissors 

and clipping my flight feathers. 

This was the worst offence and she blasted me.

I politely apologized because there is a funeral in the future,

but it is -

Time to end it. 

My other siblings are living in a strange

dream-state full of rainbows and cotton candy...

I may end up doing the same with them,

the burden of familial mental illness is too much to bare.

Yes, I know I am part of that same family

But somehow I have got to save myself.